Help for Sexual Difficulties using Counselling in Fareham
Sexual difficulties/disorders are commonplace, as people are becoming more open about discussing the subject. A sexual disorder doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It only means that you’re experiencing the kind of issue that can suddenly affect anyone, while many sexual issues can be traced back to a physical problem or a sudden change in one’s life circumstances, many sexual difficulties can be understood with communication.
4 main reasons to have sex
- Physical reasons: Pleasure, stress relief, exercise, sexual curiosity, or attraction to a person.
- Goal-based reasons: To make a baby, improve social status, or seek revenge.
- Emotional reasons: Love, commitment, or gratitude.
- Insecurity reasons: To boost self-esteem, keep a partner from seeking sex elsewhere, or feeling a sense of duty or pressure.
The difference between the sexes
Men seek sex because they like how it feels. Women, also derive pleasure from the act, but are generally more interested in the relationship enhancement that sex offers. Researchers describe these differences as body-centered versus person-centered sex.
- Body-centred sex is when you have sex because you like the way it makes your body feel. You aren’t concerned with the emotions of your partner.
- Person-centred sex is when you have sex to connect with the other person. You care about the emotions involved and the relationship.
There are many different reasons why someone may develop sex problems, but generally, it tends to be due to a combination of physical, emotional, psychological and situational factors.
- Physical factors – Disabilities and illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, alcoholism and drug abuse can contribute to sexual dysfunction. Individuals who have experienced major surgery, pregnancy, and the menopause are also more likely to develop sex problems.
- Psychological – Anxiety, depression and other mental health issues can have a negative impact on sexual responses.
- Emotional – Unresolved grief, betrayal, unhappiness in a relationship, and low self-esteem can take a toll on how people feel sexually.
- Situational – A change in circumstances or living in a stressful situation (i.e. moving in with the in-laws, having a baby, or financial problems) can contribute to the development of sex problems.
Female sex problems
Pain during sex
Also known as dyspareunia, pain during sex can be very common – particularly in women who have gone through or are going through the menopause. There are various medical conditions that can contribute to this pain, including endometriosis, and ovarian cysts, but it can also be due to poor lubrication during sexual intimacy which may be psychologically linked.
Around one in four women will have problems reaching an orgasm at some stage during their life, while 25-35% may have never experienced an orgasm. Although many women do not need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex, being unable to orgasm may be troubling for some women and their partners.
Reasons, why women can’t orgasm during any form of sexual stimulation, vary – from medical causes to deep-rooted psychological issues that may be impacting their ability to ‘let go’.
Loss of desire
It is common for women to experience lack of sex drive at certain periods in her life – particularly during pregnancy and times of stress – but some women may have it more persistently. Again, there are several psychological and physical factors that can cause this, including diabetes, relationship problems, hormone disorders, depression, excessive tiredness, traumatic sexual experiences and drug and alcohol abuse.
Male sex problems
Where a man ejaculates too quickly during sexual intercourse. The average time of ejaculation is considered five minutes so regularly ejaculating before or within one minute of penetration is regarded as premature.
A delay in achieving ejaculation, or where a man is completely unable to ejaculate during sexual activity. Also known as a male orgasmic disorder.
The least common of the three, this condition is where the sperm travels backward and enters the bladder instead of passing through the urethra and head of the penis. Orgasm is still experienced but there will be no, or little semen.
As with the female sex problems, male sexual dysfunction such as premature ejaculation is linked to psychological and/or physical factors. These include stress and previous sexual trauma as well as medical conditions such as diabetes.
There are lots of reasons why you or your partner might be feeling less interested in sex:
- Feeling less connected than usual.
Perhaps recently you haven’t spent as much time together. Or maybe something has happened in your relationship that’s caused a rift, such a big argument or an affair.
- Too busy to make time for sex.
You may be so busy with work, looking after children or dealing with other pressures that you don’t have time to spend on your relationship.
- You don’t feel connected to your sexual self. Maybe there are things about your body or how you look that you don’t like, and this makes it difficult for you to see yourself in a positive, sexual way.
- You’ve had negative experiences with sex.
Perhaps you’ve been criticised by a partner in the past or grew up believing that sex is negative in some way.
- You struggle with performance anxiety.
Meaning the thought of having sex makes you worried and stressed.
- Mental or physical health issues may be making things difficult.
You may have insecurities about a physical injury or condition, be unable to have sex, or your interest in sex may have been disrupted by a mental illness.
Anxieties surrounding sex can also come from different expectations about how much sex you think you should be having.
It’s very common for one partner to have a lower or higher libido than the other, or for one to have a more passive attitude towards initiating sex. Likewise, many people don’t experience spontaneous sexual desire and find this only usually kicks in after their partner makes an advance. They may also need the setting and mood to feel right.
Both these things can leave one of you feeling like the other isn’t attracted to them, while the other feels there’s nothing wrong.
Worrying about your sex life can also be triggered by feeling like you’re not having as much sex as you ‘should’ be – and thinking that everyone else is at it much more than you. The truth, of course, is that the ‘right’ amount is however many works for you and your partner – no more, no less.
Relationship Counselling Therapy /Hypnotherapy
Relationship Counselling Therapy/Hypnotherapy is effective for helping couples to explore their physical communication and their understanding of what sex means to them. Sex may have become mechanical and a way to maintain a safe distance for one person. In such cases, the partner may mourn the lack of intimacy and trust which would allow them to feel safe and enjoy sex. Withdrawal of sex can happen when a person has no alternative way to express their anger and disappointment – so the forbidden feelings are acted out in the bedroom.
LET US HELP YOU TODAY
Counselling at the Fareham Counselling Centre, can assist you in managing your emotions at this difficult time, and can help you get your life back on track, no matter how much pain you are feeling at this time and whatever difficulties you are facing.
Call us now on 07946 641270, or complete our online form to book an appointment with one of our Counsellors in our Fareham Practice TODAY!