Marriage & Counselling– How to keep it together recognising signs of change.
Traditionally, marriage was and still is for some, a legal union of a man and woman coming together making a commitment, to each other for the rest of their lives.
Today, people are making different choices, commitment without marriage, open marriages/ relationships, same-sex marriages/relationships, living happily in divorce, companionship, sex buddies et el. The focus now is more about the relationship, we are less focused on traditional ways.
Marriage and relationships are hard work, so, how do you recognise when there is an issue, that point when you look back and say, “that was when it started to go wrong”.
This is not just about your partner, look out for your own signs and behaviour.
Communication is key
A lack of communication is usually the first bad sign in a relationship, but also one of the earliest. If you are discontent with your partnership, cutting back conversation is the first step of an emotional retreat.
A Change in behaviour
You partner was always reliable, they aren’t anymore. They are often late, without giving an explanation and might even get aggressive when insisting on an answer.
Decisions are made alone
You used to always discuss everything regarding important decisions in your life, be it your life as a couple or as an individual. Now you or your partner are suddenly making very important decisions individually.
Hidden phone-calls This is a classic one.
Do you or your partner take hidden phone calls? Not able to reach each other? Now s/he rarely answers the phone and doesn’t call you back anymore. Text messages are also answered late, if at all.
Makes unusual confessions
“I never liked your mother, father, friends, outfit, political view, nose, etc.” are just some examples for sudden confessions of dislike and disagreement. This is a very serious indication and should not be taken lightly.
OK, don’t push your panic button yet.
Communication is key to healthy relationships. Healthy couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis.
When discussing areas of the relationship, it pays to be kind. Negative communication such as anger, resentments and contempt are linked to an increased likelihood of splitting up.
Disagreements are part of any partnership, but some fighting styles are particularly damaging. Couples that use destructive behaviour during arguments, such as yelling and personal criticisms are more likely to switch off or shout louder. Constructive strategies for resolving disagreements include: –
- attempting to find out exactly what your partner is feeling,
- listening to their point of view and
- try to make sense of where they are coming from.
Keeping it interesting
It can be difficult to stay connected to your partner.
To keep things interesting, some couples plan regular date nights. Mix it up, break the routine, try something different whether that’s going dancing, taking a class together or packing an afternoon picnic.
Intimacy is also a critical component of romantic relationships. Allowing yourselves the space to feel free from day to day mundane things, will give you the chance to relax, enjoy each other’s company, laugh, sexual encounters are more likely and spontaneous when these factors are in place.
- Do something special together
- Set boundaries with each other
- Cut out external influences
- Re-evaluate the reasons you’re together
Every relationship has ups and downs, but some factors are more likely than others to create bumps along the way.
You don’t have to wait until a relationship shows signs of trouble before addressing the issues. The earlier any of these signs are recognised, the better the chance you have of working through them Avoid resentment build up, don’t make something small, grow inside you, don’t feed your fears.
LET US HELP YOU TODAY
Counselling at the Fareham Counselling Centre, can assist you in managing your emotions at this difficult time, and can help you get your life back on track, no matter how much pain you are feeling at this time and whatever difficulties you are facing.
Call us now on 07946 641270, or complete our online form to book an appointment with one of our Counsellors in our Fareham Practice TODAY!