The Stoics: Why Other People’s Opinions Shouldn’t Matter
In a world driven by social media and constant external validation, it’s easy to become preoccupied with what others think of us. However, the ancient Stoic philosophers offer a timeless perspective on why other people’s opinions shouldn’t hold sway over our lives. For the Stoics, peace of mind and inner strength were paramount, and they believed that focusing on things beyond our control, like other people's thoughts, was a pathway to unnecessary suffering.
What is Stoicism?
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy founded in the early 3rd century BC. It teaches the development of self-control, resilience, and virtue as a means to achieve inner peace. Central to Stoicism is the idea that we should only concern ourselves with what is within our control - our thoughts, actions, and reactions. Everything else, including the opinions of others, falls outside this sphere and should therefore be approached with detachment.
Why Other People’s Opinions Don’t Matter
Beyond Our Control: One of the core tenets of Stoicism is that we cannot control what others think or say about us. Attempting to do so leads to frustration and disappointment. Stoics advise focusing on what we can control - our own thoughts and behaviours - while accepting that others are entitled to their own opinions.
Inner Peace: Worrying about other people’s opinions can disrupt our mental and emotional well-being. According to the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” By letting go of the need for approval, we can cultivate a more stable and peaceful mind.
Self-Mastery: Stoicism encourages us to master our emotions and reactions. By not allowing others' judgements to affect us, we maintain control over our own responses and remain true to ourselves. This self-mastery is seen as the highest form of strength.
Authenticity: Constantly seeking validation from others can lead us to compromise our own values and authenticity. Stoics like Marcus Aurelius remind us that we should live according to our own principles and not the expectations of others: “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
Perspective on Criticism: The Stoics believed that criticism is often more about the critic than the person being criticised. Understanding this can help us view negative opinions with compassion rather than taking them personally. Seneca noted, “It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.” This can apply to the desire for approval; seeking it leaves us emotionally impoverished.
How to Apply Stoic Principles Today
Focus on Your Own Actions: Concentrate on what you can control - your thoughts, actions and reactions. Remind yourself that other people’s opinions are not your responsibility.
Practice Detachment: When faced with criticism or praise, try to view it objectively. Ask yourself, “Is this really important? Does it change who I am?”
Cultivate Inner Values: Identify what truly matters to you and live according to those principles, regardless of external opinions. By focusing on your values, you build a solid foundation that isn’t easily shaken by outside influences.
Limit Exposure to Negative Influences: In the digital age, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the opinions of others. Limit your time on social media and engage more with activities that reinforce your sense of self.
Conclusion
The wisdom of the Stoics offers a powerful antidote to the anxiety and insecurity that often come from worrying about other people’s opinions. By embracing Stoic principles, we can cultivate resilience, self-mastery and inner peace. Ultimately, what matters most is not what others think of us, but how we choose to think and act in accordance with our own values. Letting go of the need for external validation allows us to live more authentic, fulfilling lives.
If you find yourself struggling with the constant need for approval or feeling overwhelmed by the opinions of others, professional support can make a significant difference. At Fareham Counselling, we offer compassionate, confidential counselling services designed to help you build resilience and embrace a healthier mindset. Our experienced therapists can guide you in developing stronger self-awareness and coping strategies, empowering you to live confidently and authentically. Don’t let the weight of other people’s opinions hold you back - contact us today to start your journey towards greater emotional freedom and well-being.
